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To err is human, but to make a total cockup you need a computer.

....S. Power 1986

ASCII n.       A table of numbers and letters designed to make communications between computers standardized, unless it is called EBCDIC.

assembly v.       The act of converting a fully working and debugged source program into a non-working object program.

backup n.       A rarely used copy of important data, usually two generations out-of-date or corrupt when required.

backup v.       The act of copying out-of-date data over the only existing copy of up-to-date data. The regularity with which this is performed is in inverse proportion to the importance of the data.

bug n.       A hidden and undocumented feature within a program designed to perplex the average user of a program by producing unpredictable results from s given input.

bus n.       An incompatible method of connecting various computer parts together.

comms program n.       A program specifically designed to allow two computers to communicate with each other until actually used.

compiler n.       A program, the purpose of which is to convert flawless source files into programs containing hidden features specially introduced at the whim of the compiler writer.

compile time a.       The time taken for a compiler to complete its task. Usually measured in unite of time known as cigarettes. Compiling small programs with fast compilers usually takes less than one cigarette, in the case of some compilers and large programs, the programmer has usually expired of lung cancer before the task is complete.

computer n.       An electronic machine designed by the initiate for use by business offices and other places of work to dull the senses, to increase the work load and to complicate the decision making process.

computer op. n.       One whose job it is to sit in front of a terminal and watch the lights blink.

computer purchaser n.       A person responsible for the purchase of a computer system based on the size of the lunch offered by the computer salesman.

computer salesman n.       An enthusiastic person who talks a lot, thinks a little and knows nothing.

computerization v.       To create disorder out of order by using a computer.

corrupt data n.       A strange form of computer dyslexia. Data which should normally be used for preparing bills or invoices, also for name and address lists. Data which has been entered correctly and yet contains peculiar errors.

data n.       Information which would normally be stored on paper, but has be committed to computer in error.

database n.       A disk file which contains data in a form which it impossible to reconstruct when corrupt. The likelihood of a corrupt database is in direct proportion to its length.

data prep. v.       The human act of committing faulty information to computer using the wrong program incorrectly.